Benadryl... do not take while sleeping... & a mental update.
I was having a really good dream in which Shayne and I were sitting on the porch talking about something. It was a good dream because we were communicating and there was no tension or ill will to speak of. The odd thing is that I kept feeling something scratching me and I repeatedly told Shayne (in dream mode) to stop scratching me, even though he was across the room. Anyway, the scratching persisted and I finally snapped and yelled for him to stop scratching me.
He opened his mouth in utter shock and said "Mommy wake up", only his voice was Jo's voice.
... needless to say, I woke up to find my littlest midget trying (and failing) to get herself onto my king sized bed. The poor thing resorted to scratching my arm and leg to wake me up because that was all she could reach. So, of course I picked her up and went back to sleep cuddling her little sleepy body.
Moments like that make me so thankful to have been allowed to be a mother.
It was a benadryl night (I broke out in hives yet again, all over my hands) so Shayne had to make sure that I got up when he got home. Sitting here now thinking about how he game me a little kiss, told me to wake up and then pulled me out of bed with such gentleness makes me regret all of the vile, evil (hey! same letters!) things that I wished on him for forgetting to clean up his grilling mess the evening before. I'm sure he'll set me straight by leaving another mess for me to clean up... so I'm not going to mull over that for very long.
Tristan, love of my life, my genetic copy, my walking, talking, living, breathing garbage disposal, well he has suddenly increased his interest in scrapbooking. He spends hours just studying my stash and telling me how awesome my scrapbooking is. He asked last night (at about 11pm!) if he could make a page... the Benadryl said heck no!). But tonight I will surprise him after our walk (4 miles a day baby!) and give him some pictures to scrap. I think he will love it. Providing it's not as hot as I think it's going to be up there. As good sign that I am on the right track is the fact that I'm not twitching at the thought of him going through my stash or him using my Bazzill.
I WANT to share this with him, if he gets nothing else from me, I would like him to at least get that. Why is he so interested in scrapbooking though? Somebody please tell me?
I also gave serious thought to giving up scrapbooking for good (on the 4mile walk, all types of life altering thoughts come to mind). I know that I am on the right track to do just that, especially since it is getting easier and easier to not be on the computer at night. I only peek in on Scrapitude and answer any pm's that I get from acquaintances on other sites. Online scrapbooking has left me with a bad aftertaste, but I know that I have to go back. I guess this is
what one would call Step 1?
The way I see it, it's going to be a 4 step process:
Step1: Break my dependency on the online community. Get it out of my system and learn to find interest in my un-cyber life. Figure out how things went so bad and how to emotionally disconnect myself from my need for acceptance.
Step2: Reorganize your priorities to maximize the time that I now have to do other things. Focus on other projects that have been back burnered and work on remembering why I started scrapbooking.
Step3: Fit scrapbooking back into my life, but not as a number 1 (or 2, or 3, or 6) priority. Scrap for myself, my family and my friends. Don't share with any both the people who are invited into my sphere (if you are reading this, consider your invitation served). Get reacquainted with my style and learn to follow my heart while scrapping.
Step4: Return to the online community. Again, doing so doesn't move scrapbooking up on my priority list, instead I have to manage my allotted scrapbook time to allow online playing. Submit if I must, but I probably won't submit for any calls or contests for a while.
It's been 2 weeks since I've scrapped anything. I still have 2 unfinished layouts waiting for finishing touches, but I just can't bring myself to touch them while I am in emotional turmoil; they will be a labor of love and I don't want them tainted with bad juju. When you see them, you'll understand why.
So how when I know that I'm ready to return? When I can feel in my heart that scrapping is a hobby and a gift to my family and friends. When I no longer feel the need to garner approval or self worth through my pages. When I can scrap what I want to, how I want to without asking myself how 'others' will see it.
Will this every happen? Jeepers I hope so! I have 40+ packages of adhesive to abuse!
He opened his mouth in utter shock and said "Mommy wake up", only his voice was Jo's voice.
... needless to say, I woke up to find my littlest midget trying (and failing) to get herself onto my king sized bed. The poor thing resorted to scratching my arm and leg to wake me up because that was all she could reach. So, of course I picked her up and went back to sleep cuddling her little sleepy body.
Moments like that make me so thankful to have been allowed to be a mother.
It was a benadryl night (I broke out in hives yet again, all over my hands) so Shayne had to make sure that I got up when he got home. Sitting here now thinking about how he game me a little kiss, told me to wake up and then pulled me out of bed with such gentleness makes me regret all of the vile, evil (hey! same letters!) things that I wished on him for forgetting to clean up his grilling mess the evening before. I'm sure he'll set me straight by leaving another mess for me to clean up... so I'm not going to mull over that for very long.
Tristan, love of my life, my genetic copy, my walking, talking, living, breathing garbage disposal, well he has suddenly increased his interest in scrapbooking. He spends hours just studying my stash and telling me how awesome my scrapbooking is. He asked last night (at about 11pm!) if he could make a page... the Benadryl said heck no!). But tonight I will surprise him after our walk (4 miles a day baby!) and give him some pictures to scrap. I think he will love it. Providing it's not as hot as I think it's going to be up there. As good sign that I am on the right track is the fact that I'm not twitching at the thought of him going through my stash or him using my Bazzill.
I WANT to share this with him, if he gets nothing else from me, I would like him to at least get that. Why is he so interested in scrapbooking though? Somebody please tell me?
I also gave serious thought to giving up scrapbooking for good (on the 4mile walk, all types of life altering thoughts come to mind). I know that I am on the right track to do just that, especially since it is getting easier and easier to not be on the computer at night. I only peek in on Scrapitude and answer any pm's that I get from acquaintances on other sites. Online scrapbooking has left me with a bad aftertaste, but I know that I have to go back. I guess this is
what one would call Step 1?
The way I see it, it's going to be a 4 step process:
Step1: Break my dependency on the online community. Get it out of my system and learn to find interest in my un-cyber life. Figure out how things went so bad and how to emotionally disconnect myself from my need for acceptance.
Step2: Reorganize your priorities to maximize the time that I now have to do other things. Focus on other projects that have been back burnered and work on remembering why I started scrapbooking.
Step3: Fit scrapbooking back into my life, but not as a number 1 (or 2, or 3, or 6) priority. Scrap for myself, my family and my friends. Don't share with any both the people who are invited into my sphere (if you are reading this, consider your invitation served). Get reacquainted with my style and learn to follow my heart while scrapping.
Step4: Return to the online community. Again, doing so doesn't move scrapbooking up on my priority list, instead I have to manage my allotted scrapbook time to allow online playing. Submit if I must, but I probably won't submit for any calls or contests for a while.
It's been 2 weeks since I've scrapped anything. I still have 2 unfinished layouts waiting for finishing touches, but I just can't bring myself to touch them while I am in emotional turmoil; they will be a labor of love and I don't want them tainted with bad juju. When you see them, you'll understand why.
So how when I know that I'm ready to return? When I can feel in my heart that scrapping is a hobby and a gift to my family and friends. When I no longer feel the need to garner approval or self worth through my pages. When I can scrap what I want to, how I want to without asking myself how 'others' will see it.
Will this every happen? Jeepers I hope so! I have 40+ packages of adhesive to abuse!
posted by Essentially Jae' at Tuesday, July 11, 2006
2 Comments:
Well...if it makes you feel any better...Mathew likes to scrap too...he doesn't admire my stuff...just asks if he can use this and that..and can he have this picture or that. He's created a pretty good layout or two I might add. :)
Yay on the walking...that's awesome
I was thinking that..that you have to scrap as you have all that adhesive to use up!! And dude...2 weeks is nothing...I just went through 2 weeks of no scrapping! You are on your road to recovery though!!
Knowing that I have been blessed with friends who care about me (sight unseen) makes everyday and every step worthwhile and easier.
I wish I could give you guys more than my most sincere thank you...
back away from my adhesive Jenn...
You guys are so darned wonderful, don't let anybody tell you otherwise!
I Love you guys!
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