Progress!!!!!!!!!!

Last night I started categorizing my pictures. My shoebox full of pictures is well on it's way to being neatly stored in one of those $6 Rubbermaid photo storage boxes. I found some plastic clamshells to store them in by what ever category I choose. They snap shut and fit perfectly in the photobox...25-26 in a box. I happened to come across a ton of these one day a few months ago for $.70 for a package of 4... now I wish I had gotten more cuz I'm in love!


The picture shows all of the different things that the box can accomodate, it even comes with a little foam popdot that can be used to keep your CD's in place. Pentagal makes them, you can find that at http://www.pentagal.com and look up PhotoKeeper... I love that company...no muss, no fuss and no fancy, hard-to-remember names!

It's designedto hold up to thirty-six 3"x5", 4"x6" and 4"x7"photos. You can also store your negatives and/or a photo CD. Made of photo safe acid free plastic.

I'm lovin this organizational kick! I'm going to get so much done in the next few weeks that I'm gonna fly back to scrapbooking like an organized bat out of clusterhell!

Tonight... I catalog my layouts... somebody stop me!

What it's all about... pt.1 (of 2)

I went walking with one of the ladies here at work today and we got on the topic of my scrapbooking because she asked if I could make a mini one for her cat who just had kittens. I had to decline and explain to her the hows and whys of my exodus from scrapbooking (don't stress, I'm not completely heartless, I did tell her that her project would be my first when I did go back... I love kittens). She was really shocked to know that the memory recording business could be so agregiously competitive.

You know what? She's right!

I used to read all of the editorials that complained that scrapbooking isn't about memories anymore and I would snicker because usually it was some guy who was looking at it from a store owner perspective.

Now, looking at it from the perspective of someone who has been gutted by the industry, I can honestly say that I owe some writers an apology. I have pie on my face and I wear it well.

If one wants to be considered one of the "to know" gals in scrapping, one has to be willing to lose a little bit of oneself for the sake of trends. The industry says that Elsie Flannigan's loose and free doodle-y style is in... so now we have doodling. The industry says that Heidi's handwriting mantra is the way to go, so now we have handwritten journaling (where there is journaling, I wish the industry would hurry up and say that heartfelt -not heart wrenching- journaling is in, lol!). Is it bad to want to emmulate the "greats"? Nope... it's the ultimate form of flattery, immitation that is. But that doesn't change the fact that in all of assimilation even the savviest of scrappers can lose their focus if they aren't careful.

You see, the Elsies, Cathys and Rhonnas are creating these cutting edge layouts with an emotional seed at it's core, it's from their hearts (not that they haven't tried their hands at following industry trends; Cathy writes about her journey in her new book infact). When Jane-Scrapbooker sees those styles, she has to get comfy with that style before the emotional connection to her photos and that particular style of scrapbook interpretation can mesh together. There is a miniscule disconnect. A period in which the focus is on the style and the pictures become a means to an end. Eventually the connection is made, the style is tweaked and made her own and all is right in her world... until the next trend and they it's step one again.

I can't speak for everyone, but I know that that is how it is with me. The only artist trend that I have not struggled with is Cathy Zielski's... I swear that woman speaks to my soul and my desire for sensible order and organized chaos... never will a bad word be spoken about my CZ (the good one... not the overzealous fraggle).

What am I getting at? Uh... oh yeah. It's not primarily about preserving memories for the majority. The purists, who stay of the internet or refuse to be influenced by trends, they have cornered the market on the memory preservation. I want to be like them when I grow up.

...A word of wisdom from the peanut gallery...

... When you seek to destroy those who dare not find you flawless,
be sure not to expose the flaws that you are denying...
Lest you cease to be the prey and transition into the predator.

... if you need to garner support from the masses to fend off a single criticism, one must ask how much truth was in the initial judgement passed?... guilt is a many splintered thing is it not?

Oh what a feel good night!

... I came home today and sat on my butt...
yup... and it felt good!

I did go for a brisk walk today at lunch... I went to the grocery store to pick up a salad for lunch...30 minutes of fast walking total. I feel like I've finally done something! It also helped me stay away the rest of the afternoon!

I really need to take my weight loss seriously! I know that I can hit my 145lb goal... and I will be so happy! At 5'9 I don't want to be any smaller than that and my husband already told me that he doesn't want a stick... which is good because I don't want to be anorexic!

We had grilled chicken and baked potato for dinner, yum! Shayne has really been doing a great job at preparing meals that don't sabatoge my efforts. I am so blessed that he is preparing dinner when I get home every evening! Can you imagine what my life would be like if he were like those jerks that want their meals on the table despite the fact that their wives work the same full time job that they do! Nope... in that aspect, I have a little Emeril at home and I'm happy.

I have no idea what to do with my time now. I'm not reqretting my decision to step back but I'm just not ready to jump into June Clever mode yet. I'm still getting a few things out of my system but I think that he anger and bitterness is dissipating. I still sketch out a layout almost everynight but as far as the desire to run into my scraproom and breath life into the sketch... that's leaving me slowly but surely. You know how they say if you love someone/something... let it go.. if it comes back... cliche' cliche'

Jenn pointed out a bit of ugliness that is going on in the success arena of scrapbooking and I'm so glad that I am no longer entangled in that web. I think that a lot of the up and comers can stand to take a lot of notes from the true industry greats when it comes to how they handle negativity. You have to expect negativity to knock on your door... I'm sure that Ali, Cathy, Lisa B., Faith, and Heidi have all had their fair share of negative comments, and I am sure that they handled themselves with class and dignity. To lash out and resort to name calling, accusations and character assassinations because someone says something that put you on your guard... that in and of itself is childish and unprofessional. Like I tell my son, don't meet negativity with negativity. It pains me to see someone who has achieved success try to destroy others because of an opinion. Some of these women weild their success like a razor sharp sword and they travel in such diverse circles that they can potentional get a person blackballed and outsted. If I ever attain that type of success, I will try my darndest to meet any negativity with a positive attitude and I would be embarrassed to have my friends rally for a witch hunt.

Grace and style will rule the day. What will always stick in my mind about this particular scrapper, no matter how successful she becomes is the way that she handled negativity... that's a very telling thing...

Okay enough about scrapbooking! Tomorrow I'm making curtains for Jo's room. I went into the garden and had a discussion with my tomato plants. They're little teenagers now... thick stalks and all. I remember when they were just little 2" babies, now they are 14" tall. The Beefstakes are just brutish, the cherries.. well they're petite but spunky and the Roma... well the roma's are my problem children. There's a bunny that keeps getting in the yard and eating my strawberry leaves and the birds leave little for me to pick over with the rasberries, but I am playing mother earth and I'm loving it! I can't wait for the first harvest. I just wish that Jenn and Kim could come over for a meal! Peas.. oh I didn't mention the peas... they are taking on a life of their own and the Pumpkin and Cukes... I don't know what to make of them...they weren't my idea.

Anyway! I'm leaving this blog with yet another
picture of malibu Jordan... ain't she cute?

I'm really going to miss this...

Last night I had to buckle down and make a couple of birthday cards; one for my papa and one for a lady that I work with. Both had to be either in the mail today or delivered today. I'm a crunch time kinda gal huh? Anyway, I came home with all of the intentions of starting right away so that I could be in bed by 10pm (did I fail to mention that I have rediscovered the benefits of going to bed early? I love feeling refreshed in the morning and it's having a major effect on my disposition at work... go figure.
Anyway, Shayne made stirfry while I was getting set up and right after dinner I started on the cards. First I made this one for my dad, his birthday is on the 9th:

It's a matchbook design (thank you Chatterbox for the inspiration!). I didn't flip the inside sheet but it does open further to reveal an a real where we all signed the card. It'll be his first hand made card from me.. I hope he likes it. I would've done better to have some silver mesh, but copper I had, so copper it was...


Then I made a card for Cindy, a really sweet lady at work. It has an offset shutter opening which I really don't like because that requires some sort of ribbon tie mechanism, which always gets mangled after a while. It was almost 10 when I finally got to this one so I was crunched for ideas. The rubons are silver American Crafts Trademarks! Go figure! I found them on eBay a few weeks ago and made an offer for $5 per pack... of course I got 2... I love them to death! I wish they would showcase them on their site though! It's probably best I don't see all that they have to offer... I really like this card though. I think I am turning out to be quite the little card vixen. I'm entertaining the idea of just creating a buttload of birthday, thank you, condolence cards and such so that I don't have anymore of these impromptu sessions. I think I'm good for the rest of summer so I will worry about that after my break...



Oh... how cute is this?

I took some pictures of Jo when she was getting ready to depart for her first pool party! She has several little bikini's... none of which passed muster with dad! He's so funny about her sometimes! So I went with the bodyglove surfer-type suit from last year. She's so little that it still fits... it's an 18m suit... she's 2.5!. All she needed was a surfboard! Thank goodness momma is from Hawaii and used to surf or the poor thing would've been stuck with a t-shirt and shorts. I saw this last summer at Walmart and fell in love. It came with a bikini bottom, which she has on, but dad wasn't having that. He says it's one thing if she has a diaper on, but something totally different if she is going bare butt. Well she's potty trained so the diaper thing would've been counter productive, so I opted for some lime green short shorts that she could keep on in the water. She even had on blue aqua socks! She looked so darned adorable! I can't wait to do the layout for this one! I took tons of pictures!

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I am really amazed at how much has been lifted off of me by not scrapping. I can't believe that I let it get so stressful for me! I feel so liberated now! I'm going to make some curtains for Jo's bedroom this evening and I might even try to start on some gouchos for myself. Maybe in this time I can put together a better wardrobe for myself? I have tons of fabric going to waste... I think I will. Another thing I'm determined to do is to unload all of this eBay-able stuff. I could use the money for my trip in August and I just want it out of my house. What doesn't sell will go to charity.

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My Scrapbooking Revelation for the day:
There has been a lot... and I mean a LOT of talk about the gals out there who pursue the multiple Design Teams to fatten up their resumes. I'm not talking about the sensible women who will go for design teams for sites that they really like, or get asked to join DT's because they fart talent. I'm talking about the ones who have been published extensively and have several DT's under their belts, yet still pursue even the smallest of calls from the newest of shops... knowing full well that these new, upstart shops are probably the only way that some scrappers will be able to break into the industry. How can the little ones (who haven't paid their dues *what the f*^%% is that anyway?) get into the industries if the ones who are already riding the wave of success come swooping into these little startup shops wowing the owners with the potential of having someone well known on their DT's? They can't. And they don't. But you know... all is fair is scrapbooking and war. It's the shopowners who suffer the most when they realize that this "pseudo-celeb" is only in it to win it for herself and eventually, when her head gets a little bit more swollen, she will be off to bigger and better things... or she will become so integral to the site that the owner isn't really the owner anymore. I've seen both happen... yell if you like... and when you're finished yelling at me, scroll to the top and read the top of my banner.
I don't even too much care about that situation so much anymore. What bugs me is how some of these ladies who gobble up these DT's like so many PacMan dots justify their actions. I've heard everything from "I was blessed with this gift of talent and it's my right to use it.." to " I submit the same as everybody else, it's the shop owners who decide". What they don't acknowledge is the fact that a lot of times they have an inside guy/judge cheering them on and/or that they REALLY don't need another gig, or that they are just doing it because they know they are shoe ins. By not practicing discretion they present a persona similar to that of the corporate conglomerate that gobbles up all of the potential for Mom & Pop shops. I kinda like that analogy... hmmm. I think from now on we shall call them Walmart-Scrappers (WS for short). So the WS gobble up what few DT calls are out there, despite their publishing successes and manufacturer DT success and so forth and so on. There isn't an altruistic bone in their structures/bodies. Why? Because they are trying to "make it". As far as their right to use their talent, well, there are billionaires in this world who can afford to buy millions of lottery tickest just to improve their odds of winning those 300 millions jackpots. the could easily fork over enough money to shift the odds in their favors... but they don't... 1) it's a gamble, and 2) many have conscience about stomping the little people into the ground for personal gain.

I remember a few years ago one of the celebs had come to the realization that she was doing the same thing and decided to step down and scrap for herself and her family, even blogged about it and tried to educate the masses about trying to go for the gold while sacrificing the original mission statement (you know... preserving your families memories). Maybe she needs to make another appearance? lol.

We can't really blame these WS for going for theirs. We can't even blame them for elbowing us in the face. To ask that they consider the standing of the store and the caliber of the other applicants... well that would be asking them to share the industry and to play nicely as they were taught in kindergarten. The WS that are already racing towards fame and stardom have been blessed ... but how much of a blessing is it if it turns you into something that is deemed ugly by all societal standards? We can ask that they stop short of bringing the Lords' name into their reasonings... last I checked, gluttony in any form was a sin, as well as over indulging in the pleasures of this world, as is elbowing the brother/sister/neighbor that you were supposed to be loving in the face.

The one thing that I ask is that they stop this ridiculous notion of having paid their dues. What the hell is that!! In an industry where you can sidle up to a well known and ride their coattails until you get to your own fame nitch, there is no such thing. What is the due? Is it a time limit? Is it a number of months that you have to be actively scrapping? If so, then I think that hundreds of unrecognized talent have paid tricefold! I think the dues that they speak of pertain to the ability to let the industry whore your style and to get you to pimp yourself for their sake! One scrapper has been doing this for about 18months and has amassed over 700 pages... is that a due paid? Even though there isn't a whole lot of story told in her 700 layouts, they do drip with style and follow the industry trends so closely that you'd think she were on the inside track.

I'm going to say this once again. My kids can look at their pictures in a photo album with little I love you/I adore you stickers all over them... I don't scrap to tell them that they are cute, loved, growing up. I scrap to tell them how I am feeling about my life with them at that moment. That is preserving a memory (key word... memory)... anything else/less is just dressing up pictures.
I can't wait till the industry goes back to emphasizing MEANINGFUL journaling... there are going to be some people left high and dry...

For all of you scrappers out there who believe in putting your heart on a page because one day you won't be there to tell the story... amen and keep trekking. The memories in a picture only last as long as the memory of that event remains in our hearts...

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Failing down to a science...

Frustrations...

I'm a failure. This much is true.
Jump on my bandwagon,
and you'll fail too...

Day 2 of my escape from myself. What did I do last night?
I spent it mourning my craft in my scraproom. I did check in
on the last of the DT calls that I submitted for.
Did you get it? huh? huh? Didja?

Don't be silly.

So what do you do when you are a simple clean scrapper in a
world gone nutso over doodling? You flounder and you fail.

I created these two layouts for a call last week...and they stood
out like sore thumbs...




This one was of my daughter Jo. I love the way the canvas photo paper gave it an all together different look. BUT... I didn't doodle on it (though I think the stitching could be counted towards that criteria). It's not bold, it's not chocked full of different conflicting and undulating patterns. But it IS a reflection of who I am as a scrapper... I just wish that it were enough...

I guess I could've written in my own hand... but who is thinking about such things when they have Cathy Zielski on the brain? I'm so in love with this layout, I think it's my best work yet... but who am?








This is a layout that I did of my big sister Kim.Ain't she purty? She's a bit jagged on the uptake sometimes but she is a person who knows the meaning of the word loyalty. I love the twisted little nutcase and that is where this layout came from. From the ashes of this friendship came this layout. Yeah... she's gorgeous... some people think that those Siberian Tigers are gorgeous too... how many of THOSE do you want to crawl up into bed with? We are well suited...
like spirits... so maybe we cancel each other out?

Anyway, amidst much praise and oohing, those layouts were deemed not a true representation of what the industry depicts to be the going trend. So my question is why advertise for all types of scrappers? Seriously... if you want the trend riders... request those. If you want all types, then one would expect you to have a diverse Design Team gallery. Again... those pennies are mine.

Now, where was I? Oh, I mourned... without the tears this time and I silently gave up. I extinguished the torch of my creative spirit and I called it a day... for now. I have my mind and heart set on working my way through this. Reinventing who I am and getting comfy with my life away from dominating trends. My hubby pointed out something that made me sick to my stomach yesterday. He said that it was all bullcrap... and that if C. Zielski were to submit to those same calls, scrapping in her stunning simplistic way, she would've been a shoe in because of her name. So unless I make a name for myself, I will always be the odd man out in the industry... at least until the trends go back to simple... which would be really funny to me.

I did do a lot of set up work for the GOF study groups, which is good. I did manage to purchase my ticket for the Descendium in Chicago in August AND I went to bed at 9:30pm!! Now if I could just get my butt out of the bed at 5am and excercise. 40lbs to go...

Today... I have to step back into my creativity for a moment and finish up two projects that I started... it's only fair... I can't let my funk keep me from telling the people that I care about that I care about them. AND I have to make a card for my Dad. I also have to work on my last project for Scrapitude ... then I'm done with scrapping for a few weeks. Honestly, I can't wait to get into something else... it'll probably get my mojo flowin' in a whole new direction... can't go anywhere but up from here... *insert eyeroll and snort*

It's time for a break...

It's been a whole whopping month since I set this account up... and I've done nothing to get it set up really. Mainly because I've been busy getting my butt spanked and handed back to me by the scrapping world. I have tried and failed to land a whopping 6 DT's; 2 that were for sites that I had given my heart to.

I have accepted that the online scrapbooking industry isn't about art anymore. Well, it is, but not as much as it used to be. No, now it's about popularity.

Two women could submit similar layouts to the same call and the one who is more "known" will be published.

40 women can submit to DT calls... and 35 women will be rejected... not an unreal expectation given the number of available spots... except the fact that at least 3 of those rejected women will have presented work that blew 3 of the selectees work out of the water. So why do they get selected?

• Because they buddy up to the owner?
• Because they plan weekend crops with the owner to "get to know each other better"?
• Because they have an "inside gal" who can get them in for 'favors'?
• Because they have been published 40 times?
• Because they promise to post updates about each site they DT for in their blogs which all have large readerships?
• Because they are already on 6-8 DT's and therefore project an attitude of being well sought after?

Yes... all of those. Scrapbooking has become a popularity contest. So what can we do?
Nothing.
Yup, nothing.

It's not up to us. We don't make the decisions. The shop owners do. It is up to all of the owners to decide for themselves whether they want someone who is on their team just for the notch that it affords their belts or if they are in it because they are in love with the community. Were I a shop owner, I wouldn't want the oppotunists who swoop in during the last week of my calls with their accolades ablazing. I don't need that. I need someone who will posess a personality dynamic that will help keep the site interesting. I would need someone who has at least a little time to committ to the site. I was looking on the Veggie board the other day and the topic of what makes a good DT came up. The majority... we are talking 85% of the gals there said that they don't like calls that require board participation. What does that say about their level of committment to the sites that they would DT for? What does that say about them? What does that say about the sites that would tolerate having designers that were no more committed to them than the next jo schmoe that will give them free product?

The only thing we can do is sit and wait. Well, we could not shop on sites that have DT's that aren't active, but I'm sure that little ding won't amount to much. We could just wait it out... I've seen several ladies fall from grace as a result of their greed. I've seen shops fail because the owners were riding the wave of success (as were their DTs) and they neglected to tend to the flock... the flock rebelled and the site's ratings plumetted. But do they really learn that way? We could cross over to the darkside and immulate the very people that make us cringe and seeth. I personally don't see myself doing that... my hobby would become a job and my moral core would be replaced by greed, calcuations and self idolatry. No, I'd rather sit back and wait.

Actually, I'm not even doing that. I'm stepping back. That's right, I have abandoned the world that doesn't want me as I am. I won't be scrapping anything for a few weeks and then when I have finally gotten the poison out of my system, I will begin scrapping again. For me, and my family. Unpublished, offline, and pure. When, and only when I feel that I have repaired my selfworth sufficiently, I will reenter the online arena with my game face on. I actually look forward to my transformation.