I scrapped! ... well ... kinda ...
Yesterday was such an emotionally draining day. I still can't believe that I poured all of that out in my entry about my dad! I'm not usually big on putting my heart out in such a revealing manner but yesterday it was spill or explode. I was not in the mood to explode; there is nobody nearby to help pick up the pieces afterwards.
It felt so good to just get it out. It's no longer internalized. I love and hate my dad and I have forgiveness issues. I'm an emotionally terrified parent. My truths. Bare, naked and right there for all of the world to see. I feel a weight has been lifted. I no longer need to carry the weight of the reality of who I am. I can always come back here to remind myself should I forget. The important thing is that I don't have to hide that from myself and my friends. I haven't quite gotten around to the big reveal to the family yet... baby steps... I've mentioned them before haven't I?
Anyway, so yesterday I got home and just plopped on the couch. I got the beautiful layout that Kimmy did of Jo's first pool party as I was coming into the house, so Jo and I just studied that and oohed and aahhed a bit. It was then that I started thinking about scrapping projects. Listen, this is a good thing because a project hasn't popped in my head since the oar plaque I made for my FIL back in June. Anyway, I had my dinner and listened to the voices in my head telling me exactly what I needed to do. My voices are so darned creative... if they were corporeal I would suggest they take up scrapbooking. As it stands they are in "voice" form so they have little choice but to serve as my muse.
Tristan and I watched Serenity ... again! Quick bit: If you haven't seen the Firefly series, you have to. Serenity did so well in the European theatres, all should see it. I'll have to blog about it one day... maybe I'll give a boring play by play. Tristan thinks I should do a scrapbook page, but I've said it before... and now I'm saying it again... the boy ain't quite right. After Serenity I went upstairs to get Jo ready for bed. I'm going to skip the part where I found 15 black ants in my master bathroom... I'm definitely going to avoid telling you more than the fact that they were all at least 1mm in length! They are coming in from somewhere and I don't know where... time to call someone. I associate ants with being less than clean. I don't eat in my bathroom, so I am forced to concede that I have a problem with some pretty stupid ants who are trying to hold a convention I my otherwise clean bathroom because it's so much cooler in there. I'm reachin'.
Anyway, I finally get midget to bed and plop down in my scraproom. I flip on the TV and check my auctions really quick. I replied to a few emails and formulated another sponsor letter. Then it hit me. I remember exactly how it happened. I pulled down the box for my Secret Sista Swap on Scrapitude and I was trying to gussy it up a bit. I was trying to think of more stuff that I could toss in without seeming over the top and it hit me. I suddenly knew exactly how to "present" the package to my Sista. About 5 minutes later (I had to clear my desk believe it or not, I can't keep a clean desk even when I'm not using it) I had all of my old buddies (my herma dots, my xacto knife, paints, chatterbox ect.) surrounding me and there were scraps of paper everywhere. I went none stop for 3 hours. Sad to say, I'm not any faster at altering than I was when I first took my break. I wrapped up the evening by making my own epoxy pog with some chipboard, paint, and a generous helping of the Ranger Glossy Accents (equivalent to Gloo). I love that pog incidentally.
SOOOO, last night I scrapped/altered AND I taught myself something new! I don't know why last night was any different from the past 40 nights, but I think that spilling about my dad might've helped a bit. I'm just so glad that I am on my way back. I can feel my mind just filling up with ideas, and I can't wait to try them out! I also can't wait to ship off my secret sista's stuff!
As much as I'd like to keep the 1st item I create after this hiatus, I know that many more are coming, it's an honor for me to give it away. Besides, I have so many other things to catch up on.
For the first time in a long time, I can't wait to get into my scrap room tonight!
Off to pinch myself some more!
It felt so good to just get it out. It's no longer internalized. I love and hate my dad and I have forgiveness issues. I'm an emotionally terrified parent. My truths. Bare, naked and right there for all of the world to see. I feel a weight has been lifted. I no longer need to carry the weight of the reality of who I am. I can always come back here to remind myself should I forget. The important thing is that I don't have to hide that from myself and my friends. I haven't quite gotten around to the big reveal to the family yet... baby steps... I've mentioned them before haven't I?
Anyway, so yesterday I got home and just plopped on the couch. I got the beautiful layout that Kimmy did of Jo's first pool party as I was coming into the house, so Jo and I just studied that and oohed and aahhed a bit. It was then that I started thinking about scrapping projects. Listen, this is a good thing because a project hasn't popped in my head since the oar plaque I made for my FIL back in June. Anyway, I had my dinner and listened to the voices in my head telling me exactly what I needed to do. My voices are so darned creative... if they were corporeal I would suggest they take up scrapbooking. As it stands they are in "voice" form so they have little choice but to serve as my muse.
Tristan and I watched Serenity ... again! Quick bit: If you haven't seen the Firefly series, you have to. Serenity did so well in the European theatres, all should see it. I'll have to blog about it one day... maybe I'll give a boring play by play. Tristan thinks I should do a scrapbook page, but I've said it before... and now I'm saying it again... the boy ain't quite right. After Serenity I went upstairs to get Jo ready for bed. I'm going to skip the part where I found 15 black ants in my master bathroom... I'm definitely going to avoid telling you more than the fact that they were all at least 1mm in length! They are coming in from somewhere and I don't know where... time to call someone. I associate ants with being less than clean. I don't eat in my bathroom, so I am forced to concede that I have a problem with some pretty stupid ants who are trying to hold a convention I my otherwise clean bathroom because it's so much cooler in there. I'm reachin'.
Anyway, I finally get midget to bed and plop down in my scraproom. I flip on the TV and check my auctions really quick. I replied to a few emails and formulated another sponsor letter. Then it hit me. I remember exactly how it happened. I pulled down the box for my Secret Sista Swap on Scrapitude and I was trying to gussy it up a bit. I was trying to think of more stuff that I could toss in without seeming over the top and it hit me. I suddenly knew exactly how to "present" the package to my Sista. About 5 minutes later (I had to clear my desk believe it or not, I can't keep a clean desk even when I'm not using it) I had all of my old buddies (my herma dots, my xacto knife, paints, chatterbox ect.) surrounding me and there were scraps of paper everywhere. I went none stop for 3 hours. Sad to say, I'm not any faster at altering than I was when I first took my break. I wrapped up the evening by making my own epoxy pog with some chipboard, paint, and a generous helping of the Ranger Glossy Accents (equivalent to Gloo). I love that pog incidentally.
SOOOO, last night I scrapped/altered AND I taught myself something new! I don't know why last night was any different from the past 40 nights, but I think that spilling about my dad might've helped a bit. I'm just so glad that I am on my way back. I can feel my mind just filling up with ideas, and I can't wait to try them out! I also can't wait to ship off my secret sista's stuff!
As much as I'd like to keep the 1st item I create after this hiatus, I know that many more are coming, it's an honor for me to give it away. Besides, I have so many other things to catch up on.
For the first time in a long time, I can't wait to get into my scrap room tonight!
Off to pinch myself some more!
posted by Essentially Jae' at Wednesday, August 09, 2006
4 Comments:
WooooooooHooooooooo! Fab....Jae's back with us! I thought I'd seen a twinkle in your eye on your 'Kiss My Scraps' banner!!!
Huge hugs
Sallyxx
wooohoo!! So glad that you scrapped...how awesome did it feel?? :) WTG dude!
Yehhhhhhhhhhhhh Jae is back in the scrapping groove!
Welcome back hun, you scared me that scrapping wasn't going to hit you again (for a while)......I'm glad it's back.
It's a good thing for all of us to do, we all need something in our lives that is 'ours'. In us it's our creative style.
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